A few weeks ago when we headed south for a little adult getaway, I thought it would be fun to get my main man on camera for a fun-filled Q+A session. Many of you had said you never hear from Jeff and it was the perfect opportunity to do so… you know, seeing as he was trapped in a car with me for 5+ hours, right?!?! It was absolutely a BLAST and we had a great time, checking out your burning questions about life, relationship advice, work + play, and of course those quirks that drive us crazy about each other–because yep, that’s real life, too.
Plaid Blazer | Red Tiered Maxi Dress
So for this week’s latest “5 Things”, I thought it would be fun if we offered up a handful of advice for a few things that make our marriage work. AND before we get going, let’s announce that Jeff and I absolutely have our share of arguments + disagreements, and things are never perfect… but 9.5 years in, I think we’re well on our way to happily ever after–or at least stuck together for the forseeable future [just kidding, I love you babe] 😉
ONE. NEVER GO TO BED ANGRY
This one is where I am preaching to the choir… also known as me, myself and I. I’m notorious for needing some space and alone time post-debate, but this is where I know it’s best to hash it out, come back and discuss and then go to bed without the fight on my conscience. And no, I don’t mean name calling or hitting below the belt, I mean having an actual come together about how you’re feeling + what to resolve. Trust me, you’ll sleep better and there will be a finality to the argument so you can start fresh the next morning! Also, be willing to grow from what has happened and ALWAYS assume the best in your partner.
TWO. DON’T TRY TO FIX, JUST LISTEN
So Jeff announced this as what he has learned and marriage advice to pay it forward to others in the Q+A discussion and I have to admit it sounded pretty prolific. He is usually the one that wants to talk it out, whereas I am the quiet one and shy away from conflict–would you ever have thought?!?! BUT he said has learned that instead of trying to “fix” the situation, it’s far better for him to listen to what I have to say and avoid interjecting at all costs so that we can then respectfully communicate to one another and everyone feels like their feelings are voiced AND heard. Yep, this has taken lots of practice.
THREE. REMEMBER TO DATE YOUR SPOUSE
Don’t just pencil it in, mark it in ink!! It doesn’t have to be some fancy date night out, it could totally be ordering pizza, opening a bottle of wine and watching a movie together on the couch, but don’t EVER forget to date your significant other! Try new experiences together, remember to laugh, get a weekend sitter for a staycation at a hotel near you… whatever works and makes you happy, it’s quality time together that will go miles for your marriage. We used to have a standing date night each month and I am so anxious to get back to that schedule for some one-on-one time that doesn’t involve both of us working until 10PM at night at home.
FOUR. SET TIME TO TURN OFF SOCIAL MEDIA + WORK
Again, I guess I am just calling myself out here today, but being honest and open is what this is all about. I am HORRIBLE about turning off social media, email and work obligations at night… heck we both are. That’s the pro AND con of two people both in sales–there is no “normal” 8 to 5 workday. We are workaholics by nature and it’s really challenging for both of us to step away from our computers and phones, but at the end of the day, it SO helps to do so to focus on one another, to have a “check-in” to see how our day was, etc. Set an alarm on your phone each night, and once it goes off, it’s time to plug it in and not check it again until morning rolls around. Create those boundaries [not barriers as Mimi would say] and you’ll be thankful that an “out of office” has been placed on your quality time together, which just happens to be my love language.
FIVE. SUPPORT EACH OTHER
If there is one thing above all else, it’s SO important to know you’ve got an advocate and cheerleader and your #1 supporter in YOUR corner, no matter what. When it comes right down to it, Jeff and I are the inner circle of everything that we’ve created together in this life and I know beyond a doubt we can face any challenge and overcome any obstacle as long as we can do it together. Support then in EVERYTHING they do and vice versa and you’ll never feel alone. As simple as it sounds, your marriage comes first and as a united front you can then make it happen in many facets of your life.
SO, tell me… what’s the best piece of relationship advice YOU’VE ever received?? Let me know in a comment below!
I might be in the minority, but my spouse and I do the opposite of #1 above. We WILL go to bed angry/sad/etc. We are both morning people so I find that I am more emotional/triggered/less likely to form cohesive thoughts in the evening. Therefore, when I’m mad or sad or overwhelmed (not even just with my husband, but with any life issues!), I find it best to go to sleep— whatever the problem is it never seems as daunting in the morning. Especially with my husband— by the time we wake up we’re usually laughing and joking and planning about what the next day has in store!
i think this is GENIUS… good to know what works for others 😉
Keep each other laughing. My main guy makes me laugh all the time (he can also drive me crazy too after over 30 years together) but he makes me laugh more times than anything.
nothing warms the heart like pure laughter!!!
Always make each other laugh. My main guy makes me laugh all the time (he can certainly drive me crazy after over 30 years together) but he makes me laugh more than anything and that’s what is most important. We just love spending time together and being there for each other. I wouldn’t want to go through life with anyone else.