Love, Sex, and Marriage...

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

I've mentioned before that I am a MOPS member at a local church here in the Nashville area and LOVE it. Seriously, I can't speak highly enough about the women in our group and the incredible speakers they have that come and talk to us each time we meet.
Last week, I was especially moved after we had Faith Murphy come and talk to us about Love, Sex, and Marriage and the four key components we all need to remember in working towards a good marriage. This is just a brief sampling of what she discussed with each topic, but I learned so much from her that day and it's really made me reevaluate specific things in my marriage that we have struggled with before, and ways I can improve it for our future.
1. Dating is Crucial. You married your husband for a reason...and sometimes when we're worked to the bone, tired from dealing with the kids, and such, we forget why we fell in love with each other. This is where Faith says its extremely important to make sure you integrate date nights/days into your regular routine. It doesn't have to be some fancy restaurant or a night at the theater, but think of things each of you like to do and get out there and do them! Some "dates" you can even do at home when the kids are asleep or during naptime...do a puzzle together (that's what we are doing as of late since it's winter and difficult to get out of the house sometimes), take a walk around the neighborhood, sit outside on your back deck/patio/area and just sit and talk. Jeff and I try to make this a priority as much as we can, but we need to do better...and Faith also shared that making it the same time each week helps so that you both are aware it's on the calendar and can anticipate some fun adult time together.
2. Grateful Wives are Happy Wives.If you're not happy, buying things and doing thing to try to "get happy" simply just won't work. Look for things that you ALREADY have that you can be thankful for. A husband that's a great provider, a God that loves you unconditionally, a healthy child...the list goes on and on. Sometimes it's easy to focus on the negative or think of the things we don't have, but combat the bad and wash it out of your hair...make a list of five things you love about your husband and then write down a small way you could show him how much you love each thing.
For example, I love that Jeff is sentimental when it comes to Caroline and showing her affection. I can tell him how happy it makes me to see him interact with her and how much joy that gives me that he has turned into a such a good father. (men love compliments, DUH!)
3. Find Your Intimacy. Get Intimate. Have Sex. (and yes, these are her words not mine!) Although I admit, I agree. Faith told us there are many things that can cause marriages to fail, but one cause you can avoid is by keeping your intimacy sacred. Providing what he needs will in turn give you what you need...seems so simple, right? It was funny to hear the discussion around this topic, because in a room full of Christian women, it can get quiet when the word "sex" gets mentioned, but a lot of ladies spoke up and I was impressed to hear their tips and advice. One woman suggested putting your lingerie in your closet, not hiding them in a drawer or tucking them under the bed...put your pretties on! Another suggested going to bed at the same time, rather than one partner staying up later than the other so you're both on the same clock...what a genius idea! And my favorite was to create a playlist on your iPod, specifically for "love time". Find what works for you and make the most of it.
4. Make Peace. Let's face it, we all fight! It can be productive or it can be ugly...Faith reminded us to filter our comments! (boy I am majorly guilty of this one) If your objective is to hurt them, don't say it...words hurt. Sometimes, it's OK to realize you can't find common ground on a certain issue so no need to try to bend the other person's point of view. Her advice was to let go of it in order to have a more peaceful and loving marriage.
Other tidbits I took away from her discussion:

  • Put your husband first! (when you put him first-well, behind God-he will do the same for you in return)...he needs to know how important he is to you
  • Compliment him on the good attributes/things...don't focus on the bad
  • Try not to lose your identity after you have kids! (don't become that mom)
  • If you're unsure of what he needs/wants, don't be afraid to ASK! 

Anyways, I hope by sharing some of this, I have helped at least one of you out there...Faith Murphy was incredible and you can read more of her fantastic blog here

- 20 Comments

  1. LOVE this post!!! funny that you mentioned hang lingerie in the closet. I started doing that about a year or so ago. Totally helps. Plus I think seeing it on a regular basis hung nicely makes me want to put it on much more often ;)

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  2. Such a great post!! I really like the idea of hanging the lingerie in the closet! I'm currently making a concious effort to praise my husband for the little things he does so it doesn't seem like I'm always negative or nagging on him. So far, it has been improving my outlook of him as well as building his self esteem.

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  3. I am not married, but hopefully getting close to becoming engaged. My Boyfriend and I have a great relationship, and I want to continue making it even better. This post is awesome. It is great advice. I will make sure I keep this all in mind.

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  4. Love this - we had a wonderful speaker last Sunday at church, he was talking all about marriage. It was so real and refreshing!

    xo,
    Brooke

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  5. These are great great great pieces of advice! Thank you for sharing!!!

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  6. This is REALLY great stuff! I forwarded this onto the Mister, thanks so much!

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  7. I love this!! I'm open ears for any and all tips that help create a happy and successful marriage, and I loved all of these points. They are all so true, and necessary.

    Thanks for sharing these.

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  8. So many great pieces of advice here!! I am guilt of letting the hum drum of the day get to me. But when we take time out for each other, it's so much better!

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  9. Great post! And it is so true and some easy guidelines to live by!

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  10. What a wise woman! Matt and I are currently in a bible study group for married couples and it's been so interesting hearing what the guys have to say in our group. We are studying "The DNA of Relationships" by Gary Smalley, and it has revolutionized ALL 26 marriages in our group! If you and Jeff are looking for a new read, I highly recommend it. It's very interactive and has quizzes and stuff, so it fosters really deep communication.

    PS - love the lingerie in the closet idea!

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  11. Natahsa, this is wonderful advice!!! Thanks so much for sharing, as a newlywed it's easy to sometimes let the simplicity of these points slip by the wayside but it's crucial to remember how important they are :)

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  12. Thanks for sharing. I think these tips can be altered and used for those of not yet married too. :)

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  13. Love this post. I think so many people forget just how important these things are. Thanks for the reminder and the link to Faith!

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  14. This is exactly what I needed to read today! Thank you!

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  15. great post hun and so maybe solid points! I think the hubby and I definitely need to work on getting off our phones at night as we are ALWAYS glued to them.

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  16. These are great pieces of advice! It's always good to get a friendly reminder on the things we should really be focusing on. :)

    And hanging lingerie is a really smart idea!

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  17. I've been a reader of yours for quite some time, and I just wanted to leave you a comment to say THANKS for this post! I love talking about marraige & how to keep your "unit" strong day in adn day out, with all lifes curve balls.

    So again, thanks for sharing!!

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  18. Great advice!! I love the idea about having the lingerie in the closet!

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  19. I was digging back into your archives to get advice on baby #2 following baby #1 pretty quickly and stumbled upon this post! I really really needed to read this- so thankful you wrote it 3 years ago ;)

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